Trump’s “War Department” Is All About Appearances
The dumbbells are in charge, and they're closing the strategic pushup gap
Donald Trump’s latest is the Cracker Barrel-style idea to rename the Defense Department the “War Department.” Though I want to ridicule it, the rebrand hints at a bedrock view of the administration: that success is downstream from appearances. For Trump and many of his top officials, political change grows out of the barrel of a blowdryer.
Take Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth — or in Trump’s words, the “Secretary of War.” The jumping jackass can’t stop preening in workout photo-ops. He says he’s focused on the restoration of a “warrior ethos,” which for him is about how the military looks. He is devoid of any real ideas about how to defend or strengthen America.
On his first day as Secretary, Hegseth identified physical fitness as his top priority, linking looking good with military readiness. Since then, Hegseth has been seen jogging, lifting weights and doing pushups alongside American soldiers. Come to think of it, I’ve seen more of Hegseth doing workout routines than I have of him giving press briefings.
Just two days ago, Hegseth challenged RFK Jr. to a pushup and pullups contest at the Pentagon. “We've talked about [how] we're going to be fit, not fat,” Hegseth said. “We've talked about how we're going to be ready — it's a real thing.”
It is a real thing, for the administration anyway: From Hegseth to Kristi Noem constantly dressing up in tactical gear to every ICE agent sporting a uniform and a facemask, presentation is genuinely at the core of what this administration believes. Lost in the parade of absurdities and creepiness amid the deployment of National Guard troops and other federal assets to DC is the name Trump used in his executive order authorizing it: “The D.C. Safe and Beautiful Task Force.” Beautiful!
Again, I’m inclined to just roll my eyes, but it’s a mistake to dismiss this all as mere theater. These guys really believe in presentation.
Presentation rules because these officials, from Trump on down, have elevated “Fake It Till You Make It” to a political philosophy. Without any real vision, looks are all they have.
It’s all based on the rather quaint idea that if you just dress professionally for a job interview, you’ll be perceived as more competent and reliable. (Never mind that some of the richest men in the country, from Zuckerberg to Elon Musk, routinely don hoodies and t-shirts.)
Speaking on the importance of grooming standards in February (which include bans on facial hair, eyelash extensions, and certain nail polish colors, as I’ve written about), Hegseth gave perhaps the clearest articulation of the administration’s worldview. He compared strategic grooming to the broken windows theory of policing. Originated by Rudy Giuliani, it claims that aggressively prosecuting visible crimes like vandalism will discourage more serious crimes.
Per Hegseth’s remarks:
“What are the standards? I mean, and it starts with the basic stuff, right? It's grooming standards and uniform standards and training standards, fitness standards. All of that matters. It's almost like the broken windows theory of policing. When you ignore the small stuff from criminals, and I'm not — I'm not saying if you violate grooming standards, you're a criminal. But if you violate the small stuff and you allow it to happen, the big stuff, it creates a culture where big stuff you're not held accountable for. I think the same thing exists inside our services. And making sure at every level there is standards and accountability. And that — that we live it at the highest levels as well.”
Trump’s counterterrorism czar, Sebastian Gorka, who channels Claus von Bulow in dress and accent, likewise references the broken windows theory, linking it directly to the National Guard deployment in DC.
“We are following his model today here in the nation’s capital … 320 million are gonna thank us for bringing law and order back to DC just like Rudy Giuliani did in the 1980s in New York,” Gorka said.
I already mentioned Homeland Secretary Kristi Noem, who’s been dubbed “ICE Barbie” for constantly playing military dress up. But there’s also FBI Director Kash Patel, who broadcasts his own workout routines with Bureau personnel and is fond of trying to emulate Volodymyr Zelenskyy with his athletic wear.
The list goes on and on with different cabinet members but the message is the same: Great again! Restore!
For people who believe that America and masculinity are in decline, the discipline embodied by workout routines can seem like an answer. As with the broken windows theory, spruce up the outward appearances and everything else will just fall into place.
The irony of the Department of War, a rebrand premised on the idea that “Department of Defense” is too politically correct and soft, is that it was good enough for Ronald Reagan — not exactly a dove — during the height of the Cold War.
Another irony is how Democrats have embraced their own “Make America Great Again” by focusing on turning the clock back to an idyllic time before Trump and the death of democracy. The National Guard deployments are of course insane, but the 20-something guardsmen ambling about, picking up trash, and in some cases even questioning the mission (on camera!) is hardly Hitler’s enabling act.
One last irony is that I actually agree that “Department of War” is a more honest name. Isn’t that what the military does? But then, I’m a purveyor of ideas and the written word and not exercise videos.
— Edited by William M. Arkin
I hated doing dog and pony shit. You spend 2 weeks prior cleaning with no lib. Officers going apeshit over everything. Stress out everyone to the max for a 15 minute PT session photo op. I cannot imagine having the responsibility of the largest military in the history of the earth and all that entails and preferring struggling pull-ups for some E2s
They have shown that they will “go to war” with anyone- including the American citizens they are supposed to be defending. Perhaps this is a more honest description of the department, but I suspect the new name is meant to embolden future actions against the people who have paid for this clown show.